My Mouth

        My mouth has been an integral part of my identity. It started when I was young. Everyone commented on my pretty smile and how it lit up a room. I found pride in that smile. It made me smile more, subconsciously, and I was glad to be able to share it with the world. There was always someone complimenting me on my smile or my straight teeth (after braces) or just how contagious my smile was. It brought smiles to other people, ease for conversations, and out of that mouth brought words of encouragement.

       Out of my mouth was laughter. Something that was frequently surrounding me. A lot of people consider it a loud laugh, but it was a laugh, none the less. My laugh and my mouth brought other people laughs and happy times.

       But see, there was more than just that. Because though I had such pride in my smile and my mouth, there was another side. A side that struggled. My mouth was perverse. My mouth was hurtful. My mouth was untamed.

       I can only imagine this started as a toddler as I screamed the word "NO!" to my parents or anyone passing by. It then grew into hurtful words of slandering my sister, that grew into slandering my parents, and slandering friends. My mouth voiced opinions of hurtful disdain when I didn't get my way. It screamed at my mother and father, "I hate you!" and other things that I am not proud of. It was/is quick to fire back when I was/am hurt. My mouth turned from a point of joy to a point of pure hurt.

       See, words are my defense. And that isn't a good thing. God speaks on the tongue and our mouth several times:

Ephesians 4:29 - Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Proverbs 15:1 - A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

James 1:26 - If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.

Matthew 12:33-37 - “Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Titus 3:2 - To speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.

Colossians 3:7-8 - In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.

James 3:8 “But no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison

Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.”

1 Peter 3:10 “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit.”


    So, I read on the tongue and the mouth and words more than anything else, probably. And it convicts me more than anything. And I freak out about my mouth more than anything. I pray and ask repentance over this probably more than anything else! It is my vice. 

    See, I am good at being quick with my tongue and not having it controlled. It is a practice that I try to control over and over - when my in-laws hurt me/us, when my step-children hurt my husband and myself, when my mother or father get on my last nerve (because even though we are far better than we were years ago it still happens), when someone hurts someone I love I am quick to respond - try going after my husband or my sons - I sadly will take you down. It is the thing that everyone can hold against me - though it is mainly because I want good in the end or a positive change. I know how to hurt. I know how to hurt you because you hurt me and words hurt deeper than anything physical to me.  BUT, how is this what God calls me to do? It isn't. 

    

   Therefore, I pray. I ask forgiveness. I read God's words on the mouth and tongue. And I struggle. I try to show love. I try to control my tongue and I try to let my smile be the thing that I can spread. Not hurtful words. 

    That being said, I ask you to look at yourself. Are you good at lifting people up? How about talking about people or what they have done to hurt you or others? Tearing people down? What are you known for? What are your conversations about? I can tell you all of these I am guilty of. But, I am called for something greater. Something I pray for God to give me the strength to strive above. And that is what I pray for all of you.