Over the past few days, I've done a lot of reflecting on this past year. Today, specifically has hit me in my heart. A year ago today, Alan and I were in the hospital room listening to praise music, reading a devotional and of course, pumping. Alan went to go take my milk up to the NICU, we would both go up when it was the mark for us being able to visit the babies. When he returned, his face was gray and our pleasant morning did an 180 degree turn before our eyes. It was this morning, a year ago, Zachary stopped breathing twice and had to be bagged and have several tests performed on him. It was this day, a year ago, that my parents' church stopped in the middle of the benediction and prayed for my son. Many of your prayed. It was this day, a year ago, that miracles of healing took place. His outcome could have been much worse. He could've been placed on a ventilator and spent several months in the NICU, like many babies we saw, but he was healed. He had a brain bleed that was of the 1st grade, not a 2nd or 3rd or even more detrimental 4th. God performed a miracle (one of many) last year on this day. There was a lot of fear on this day last year, but God carried us through. And through this past year, God has carried us through.
I've reflected on a life with twins and how it is different then with a singleton. Some differences are quite humorous, some challenging, and some bittersweet. There are the usual common things - twice the diapers, at once; twice the food; twice the clothes; twice the toys; and twice the cribs/pack'n'plays. I think the hardest part of these past 12 months is the month they spent in the NICU. I have had tears thinking back to those days. I am a picture fanatic (as you all know) and as I have been going through pictures these past few weeks, it saddens me that I don't have many pictures of the day they were born (other than in the OR). It makes me cry thinking back how I didn't get to hold them until they were a week old and didn't get to just "be their mom" for those first few weeks. I want to go back and change that so badly. But, I will continue to say even to this day that we are grateful for the NICU. Grateful for their care for our boys and for the awesome schedule they were on when they returned home. That has been the key to our sanity! A schedule that has kept them doing the same thing at the same time. There's something about having two babies lie on your chest sleeping. Man how I miss those days! There's something about the conversations they have begun to have and watch them laugh at each other. Priceless. It is always humorous to me to the stares in the store and that I know going in that I will be asked at least 5 times if they are twins. It may get old, but it never stops being funny to me. You get a lot of attention with twins. So, there is no quick shopping trip - therefore, I have slowly learned going near or at nap time is a sure "no, no" because these people will wake up your sleeping children "just to get a peak" at your twins. Then, as we have started, the jealousy of each other when one is getting held or having attention and the other isn't. Double the temper tantrums has begun, which sometimes are just humorous, and are quickly nipped in the butt. I think it is easier to have two at the same age. I'm not chasing after one and trying to make it "not wake the baby." But, the thing that is bittersweet is that I have two babies that are growing up quickly and I know they are my only babies. It is hard knowing they don't snuggle as much and when I get those moments of them lying on my chest, I savor it….even if it is them pushing each other out of the way or trying to take over my whole chest.
I have learned over the past year that life passes by way too fast, and it is so finite. It has made me realize even more how important time with those you love is and how important it is to make time for those you love. It has shown me true friendship and how much love we have for Alan and myself, along with these boys. We have developed new friendships and stronger relationships that just are overwhelming in love.
I really wouldn't change this last year for the world. It is amazing how much babies grow and develop! Zachary and Ayden continue to amaze us and I believe they have just blossomed like crazy over the past few weeks. Zachary is actually moving around when he crawls and we just are amazed! AND, last night he actually pulled up twice without assistance! We were in tears so excited, and so was he! Ayden is crawling and into EVERYTHING. He has stood without holding onto anything a few times, as well. Ayden has begun to actually babble now, instead of just growling at us! It is stinkin' adorable. Zachary says "dog", "Dada", and "Lolli." Yea, no "Momma" yet. Their personalities are so different but they are both so hilarious. Zachary is definitely the clown of the two and loves to make people laugh. Ayden is a definite flirt! They are 5 times their birth weight. Zach is 23 lbs 3 oz and Ayden 20 lbs 1 oz and 30 inches and 29 inches, respectively. Still undergrowth of a 1 year old, but getting there! Ayden is still picky with food and will be eating baby food until he is 14, Zach will eat pretty much anything. They may be drinking bottles until then, too.
It is amazing all that God has done with them in this past year and how much they have grown and developed. We are grateful for them and the impact they have had on our extended family relationships and relationship with God. We are looking forward to this coming year!
