Coming Home!

     The boys decided to straighten up and not have any more spells after I blogged last. They had "harsh" talking to's from both Alan and me and all of their nurses - I am glad they listen! This, also, meant that they got to come home together, which is rare we were told! God answers prayers. The process of being discharged from our NICU is pretty strict, which I love. The babies had to meet a list of criteria and Alan and I had to watch three films, one including CPR training. Also, part of the discharge process is "rooming in" with the babies. This entails us in a room in the hospital with both babies, a refrigerator, a breast pump, and two rocking chairs for the night. The nurse comes in every few hours to check the babies and make sure we are able to handle it all. I personally think this would be great for every mom who delivers a baby to have to do (but then again I guess most parents have their babies in the rooms when they are born and we hadn't, so never mind).
     The day before the boys were discharged they had their circumcisions and because they were somewhat tongue tied, they had frenulotomies, as well. They did so well and are much like their mom in not going to miss a meal, even after being cut on top and bottom! We had a wonderful doctor in the NICU who decided to come back to the unit after her last day, just to discharge our babies. We felt blessed by this. So, we roomed in, everything went smoothly, we were visited by our favorite nurses to say good bye and given our discharge instructions to go home.
      Now coming home with a NICU premie is different than coming home with a full term baby. Little did I know how restrictive things would be! I mean, I figured on some of it, but not all. I learned that babies usually gain the majority of their ability to fight infection during the last trimester of pregnancy. Due to our boys lacking in a good portion of this being in utero, it is easier for them to get sick from people. So, that means that there are limitations on people holding them and them being in large groups. (This is awful for me because I want everyone to hold my babies and to show them off to everyone!). We have to wait to go to church and can't go out to Target or Walmart or even grocery stores with the boys. On top of that, everyone who is planning to spend time with them has to be vaccinated against Pertussis, which I knew this already. I just didn't realize how serious it was until some of the nurses were talking about babies who had returned to the PICU with this infection. It was awfully sad. Also, due to RSV, after October 1st, we will be home bound until February (for the most part). Because of their premie state, the RSV infection is easier to get and harder to fight. They will be getting a shot to hopefully help with this once a month from October until February. And of course, hand washing is a must before they are touched or held by everyone!
      Those are the starts of our exciting rules over the next few months. It is disheartening to not be able to go show these cuties off, but I want my babies to be healthy and continue to grow strong. So, for that, I will make sacrifices and hopefully you will bear with me as I post probably way too many Facebook pictures!
       We were truly blessed in the NICU. I miss seeing the familiar faces of nurses and I never thought I would say that. We made some friends of other NICU babies' parents and that is a blessing, as well. We are very thankful for the things that our nurses did and thankful for the schedule they put these kids on! We have been able to continue the schedule and the boys sleep almost 4 hours at a time at night, which is great for mom and dad! It has been an adjustment to bring them home and we are so glad we got to bring them home together because that made it so much easier. Alan is beyond wonderful and has gotten every bottle ready for the boys. My Momma has been beyond a blessing in serving us and we would not be able to have survived without her (still not able to).
     So now it is onto the trek of being a wonderful family of six (though four under this roof). We have truly been blessed by our God in this whole situation and looking back on it, I wouldn't have it any other way. The testimony of God throughout this whole thing has just been rampant and vivid. We thank you for the prayers for the boys and can't wait for a time we can really show them off. Until then, we will just be hanging out at home, getting our snuggles in.

NICU Continued

     Yesterday, I cried. I cried when I walked into the NICU. Trying to not let the nurses hear. Thankfully my mom was standing there seeing the tears run down my cheeks and my soft gulps for air and she wrapped her arms around me and let me cry. I wiped the tears away, trying to appear strong. Trying to appear like everything is okay. But it wasn't. See, my boys had been doing so well. We hadn't had any spells (occurrences where both the heart rate and oxygen saturation decline) since July 13 and 14th and all of a sudden, Ayden had 3 within the past 12 hours. This messed up my plan. We were looking at bringing them home in the next week as soon as they got their feeds in and I wasn't worried about spells. But now, we would have to wait, at least 5 days or more, until he quit these spells. And most likely the boys would be coming home at separate times.
      Today, I cried again. Alan and I were sitting at lunch during a break between feedings (our lunches seem to be late and our dinners even later). He asked me what we were going to do if we brought one home before the other and asked me my plan for it. I broke,  I don't want to think about that. I couldn't answer. Then on our way home, after we found out that Zach had had a spell yesterday, as well, that we weren't informed of, I cried again. My boys will be 4 weeks old, a full month, on Wednesday. The earliest day we could possibly get to think about coming home (if there are no other spells) is Wednesday. And my babies will have spent the first full month of their life in a NICU. Not cuddled and loved on at home. But in a NICU, in an isollette or crib with limited contact from their Mom and Dad and other relatives and friends. They do not know what life is without pokes and prods and wires and beeps of alarms. They have lived in a hospital and I can never get this month of their life back. It's a hard pill to swallow.
      A friend of mine sent me an article/letter this NICU mother wrote to her twin boys who spent a lot more time in the NICU than my boys will, hopefully. And it talked about the things she wanted her boys to forget about NICU life, which is what I pray my boys won't remember. It also talked about what she hopes they remember - love, not being alone, strength, privileges. Of course I cried as I read this and hope my boys remember the same. It is very hard to be okay with yourself and acknowledge that your babies will not remember these times. That bonding will happen when they get home and you will be able to have the time to snuggle and spend every waking moment with them. But it is hard as you are going through it to even think that is coming. My children are loved, prayed for, not alone, strong, and privileged. This is what has to get me through.
      There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am just trying to not get my hopes up and not make that light too close. Trying to take in every second I have with my boys in holding them and take in every feature they have and memorize them for when I come home. And until the time we can bring them home, I will ride up to the hospital, hold my babies, feed them, and pray over them. Praying for their strength and that they come home to us soon, healthy and ready.
      I will still have my weak moments, but in those, I will be strong in my Lord. Being reminded that God's timing will ensue and that these babies will be home soon. No matter if it is 5 days or 10, together or separate.