Retrieving

        I'm going to be quite honest about today, so details and complaints insue for those of you who don't want to read further. I have committed myself to being quite honest and open with exactly what we are going through because I don't believe enough people do this and a lot of people don't know what to expect when they are going through this. That being said....we begin.
       The morning began earlier than my alarm clock due to cramping. The "trigger" injection is HCG (the pregnancy hormone) which makes you ovulate 36 hours after the injection (as I said in my previous post). This meaning your muscles in your ovaries start cramping once the time gets close. Yesterday was actually my first non-cramping, non-bloated feeling in over a week, which was exciting, but then it returned full force this morning. So, we got up and headed our way into the surgery center at the fertility clinic. The fertility clinic we use has the ultimate best staff and doctors. They do nothing but make you feel calm and answer any and all questions. We parked, Alan prayed, and we entered into the center. I had an overwhelming peace this whole morning and never once got nervous. God's presence was definitely surrounding us.
      Once we got checked in, they had me gown up, sign consents, and get my IV. Alan and I had such a great mood around us, the nurses told us we were having way too much fun and way too relaxed for this. We knew it was a total God thing. The doctor who performed the procedure wasn't my usual doctor, but he was so nice and I felt comfortable with him, as well. So, kissed Alan good-bye and they gave me the good drugs. For egg retrieval, you are given anesthesia which is pretty much conscious sedation (no tube down your throat). I remember them wheeling me back and telling me to change tables, after scooting over, I have no recollection of anything else. I barely remember the doctor talking to me afterward and once I woke up, I freaked out thinking Alan and I had overslept and missed the whole thing!
      Woke up feeling okay but a little groggy and cramping a lot. They had the medicine handy. The embryologist came in to let us know that they retrieved 25 eggs! Way beyond what we expected! We were told the exact number of mature eggs are unknown, but we should find out tomorrow. As well as, the eggs will be fertilized tomorrow and we will see how many turn into embryos. We are praying the perfect amount!
       Once that was completed, we began getting ready to go home. I was feeling fine until that point and once I stood up I got majorly nauseated. They gave me some medicine for the nausea which didn't really help and by the time we went by the pharmacy and returned home, I was sick. The majority of the day was spent trying to become not nauseated and keep the cramps under control. Right now, I am still drugged and feeling slightly less nauseated. The fun of anesthesia. Alan has taken wonderful care of me and I have been unable to get up except going to the bathroom.....which is a hard feat of itself for those who know me!
       So the next step is waiting....there is a lot of that in this process! We most likely get to transfer in 5 days and it is then waiting game again! Will keep you posted. Thank you again for your thoughts and prayers!

Pull the trigger

So, after a frustrating day of being pushed back, I had a reality check and accepted God's timing. Yesterday, I got to go back for another ultrasound and bloodwork. The results sounded good on my ultrasound while I was there, but had to await my bloodwork. Was quite anxious for my 3:30 voicemail. So, it came and stated we were ready for our "trigger" injection! I was so excited and called Alan immediately (we were both at work still) and we celebrated over the phone.
     Last night was the night for the injection, which was different than previous injections. It included two syringes of medication, one on each side of my abdomen. We were given a specific time to give the injections because it is exactly 36 hours later I ovulate, which means they have to retrieve the eggs at 35 hours. The injections burned some, but weren't too bad. I had been cramping all day and it seemed to ease that down some. So, we are triggered and on our way to egg retrieval!
      This morning, I had to return to the doctor's for more bloodwork and my plan. Got the instructions for tomorrow.....no injections today!! So, tomorrow is the one day I get to get knocked out with anesthesia for the retrieval. They have given me the spill that they are a little more concerned about hyperstimulation ovarian syndrome with me because of my diagnosis and some of my blood levels, so we are praying that doesn't happen because it would prohibit us from proceeding further with the embryo transfer and I could get really sick. We ask for prayers regarding that.
   We are excited about this next week but very prayerful too. Only God can get us through this and we know He is carrying us through this which makes it easier. He continues to give us a peace.
    My hormones haven't been so bad this week either.....Alan is hoping this continues through if I get pregnant! We pray for that too! Until the next time....thank you for your continued prayers!

Frustration

      So, frustration has hit....I went into the doctor's office today for what I assumed would be my last ultrasound and bloodwork before we went in for retrieval. Well, come to find out it wasn't. My fast growing follicles decided to slow down over the weekend and they are wanting me to wait another day. You may say, one day and you are frustrated? Well, yes....because I had a plan! Another way for God to show me I haven't learned my patience lesson or His timing. Never said I was a quick learner, and I am so glad God has the patience to handle me! My friend Nikki encouraged me today with what we like to now call ourselves (she can take total credit for this) soon to be former control freaks. We've started a club. And hopefully the soon to be will be sooner rather than later!
       So, I cried this morning. I tried to keep it in until I got into the car and called Alan. See, the day we were supposed to go in for retrieval was already an "off" day for me for work, pushing it back a day meant I had to cancel a full day of clinic and meant there was no chance for us to have implantation of our embryos on the weekend....which means more time off work.....wasn't my last post on me not worrying about work???? So, Alan, after hearing me ramble my issues, reminded me breathing is good, our future with children is our number one priority, and I needed to calm down and not worry about work. Some things are beyond our control. After about 10 minutes of crying, hormones and things out of my control (or not going my way) is not a good combination, Alan had me calm enough to head onto my days activities.
       I have noticed a lot of cramping lately, which is normal for the fact that both of my ovaries are HUGE! It is not exactly the most fun thing and doesn't hurt, just is uncomfortable. It worsens with activity, too, which is probably why I'm not supposed to exercises or lift!
    So, I get to go tomorrow for another ultrasound and blood work and will find out if I get to proceed with my retrieval just one day pushed back. I think both Alan and I are anxious for this portion to get here because it is what we've been working toward the whole time! So, I pray and pray that I don't get frustrated and don't let me emotions get the best of me. I just have to remember, in God's timing everything is perfect.....

Flexibility

FLEXIBILITY is probably one of the biggest challenges in IVF. Those of you who know me, know that I am a planner. One lesson God has continuously tried to teach me is that I need to lean on Him for HIS plan, not my own. This process has been another trying lesson in leaning on Him for His plan and allowing my stress level to not go through the roof when I can't tell people at work what my schedule looks like the next week.
      The way in vitro fertilization works, especially when you are on the injection portion, is that blood work and ultrasounds done every other day tell you what your next step is. Your injections, dosaging, days to come in, whether the procedure can continue or be cancelled is all dependent on that one day's results. You call your little voicemail at 3:30 PM every afternoon and get your plan for the next day, then you go into the office every other morning and the same process continues. Initially, we thought my retrieval would be at one point, which would have been very convenient as my doctor was on vacation that week, but now it looks to be later and I will miss work with a very busy surgery day and a working doctor. Hence, my stress level shoots through the roof. I try not to inconvenience people, I try to make my schedule work with everyone else's, and I try not to offend people.....a weakness in this regard. It's hard to be flexible as a working woman especially in neurosurgery. So, I'm learning. And one thing I am praying for and working on daily this week is changing my mindset. Not only towards flexibility, but towards making this situation my number one situation and not work. Taking what is good for me and hopefully a future baby into account over other people's feelings. Man is it hard! Especially when you are emotionally labile to begin with!
     I've been praying a lot extra this week on this subject and these verses have been my prayers in regards to our in vitro fertilization process and in regards to work:
   Phillipians 4:6-7 - ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
   Matthew 6:34 - Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
   Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
    Matthew 11:28 - 30 - Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

It is so neat to see how memory verses from when I was young continue to come into play for my lowest moments. Praying these verses brings such peace and I know He is in control of my future. He will give me the answers on work when the time comes, but today, I need to focus on today, not what tomorrow brings. So, I think of my injections and my time with my husband relaxing and enjoying what we have today. I need to rejoice in this moment and this opportunity. Give myself the flexibility to enjoy today and give God the future.

Transitioning

So, the first big day came for me to go to the doctor and make sure my medicines were working. It was my "big day" of a complete physical, blood work, and ultrasounds. On top of that, they did a "trial embryo" transfer to see exactly how they needed to go about the real thing. I can say, I was nervous. And EMOTIONAL. I didn't know whether it was just me or my wonderful Lupron injections that had me crying.....but for the past 3 days I had spilt into tears on several occasions about the most minute things.......bawling over the fact my furniture was dusty, for example. But I digress.....there are so many people and different types of situations that sat in those waiting rooms with me and I got to hear some of their stories, and I cried and I prayed. I want every single one of us to come out pregnant.
      The poking and prodding wasn't too bad. I got the results of my blood work and ultrasound by the end of the day and it was just as we wanted (and were hoping), I am suppressed! Which is exciting, because it means we are on to the next step, but scary none-the-less because it means we are on to the next step! What is the next step you may ask? Well, of course it would be no more than adding in an injection. Now, as Alan would tell you , I should be excited because I got the needle that I wanted, haha. Oh the small things in this process that we get excited about! Actually, when he had woken up from his procedure, after he found out we had what we needed, his words were....and you have the needle you want! I think he is more excited about my injection device than me!
     So, we started Lupron in my abdomen every morning and our FSH injection in my abdomen every night. My poor little abdomen is full of needle marks, but it is worth it. We do this injection for 4 days and I return to the doctor for more blood work and an ultrasound. The FSH is to stimulate my ovaries to make multiple eggs. So, in 5 days I return to see if it is doing its job and they will adjust my doses accordingly. Then 2 days after that I return again for the same thing and 2 days after that. If they are well stimulated, well....that means next week we get to retrieve and implant! It has gone by really fast!
     Also, since I began my FSH injection, it means I am no longer allowed to exercise or lift greater than 10 pounds! Woohoo! Also, I have to eat like I am pregnant.....so no more sushi or glasses of wine. So, it is just hitting us harder and harder each transition state. It is kinda neat. And besides my labile emotions, everything is going smoothly so far! It is amazing how God has made me so calm through this and truly able to trust Him. He has answered prayer after prayer. I know that without Him, I would not be able to go through this. What an awesome God we serve.
    So, I will keep you posted as the transition continues....only a few steps left!

Step one down

   So step one, birth control, is officially over! I think Alan is more excited about this because he is hoping my emotionally liable state was due to the birth control. I was told I lost my "processing" trait and went straight to emotion. We hope that is over, anyway! It went REALLY fast. Actually, ALL of this is going by super fast! Alan and I were looking at the calendar tonight and realized in two weeks we will possible be retrieving my eggs. Two weeks!!

       So, I've been reading a lot of infertility blogs lately that friends have sent me. It is so encouraging to read other people's journeys and see their faith in God throughout. The one thing I have seen missing from these blogs is the process of IVF. So, I am kinda glad I am including the specifics as I blog because I had no idea what to expect!

      So, I am continuing on my Lupron shots still. I have come to have an allergic reaction to the injections. They itch really badly and turn red for about 30 minutes and it goes away. Of course I called to make sure this was okay, and it is. 

      I go Friday for my trial embryo transfer and suppression check. What this entails is an ultrasound to make sure I am not producing anything (hence the birth control and Lupron suppressing it all) and make sure my ovaries are ready to be stimulated for the next 2 weeks. They will also do all the ground work for going in as they will when they do the embryo transfer. It's a "dry run" as they say. Plus get the wonderful history and physical and more blood work. They said the appointment should take 2-3 hours, so I am taking my first morning off work....this also starts me off on adding in injections for the process. AND it means I have to start my no exercising rule!!!! Pretty much, they said at this point on Friday/Saturday I have to act as if I am pregnant. 

      On that note, I have successfully dropped my caffeine consumption to 50 mg a day....HUGE FEAT!!! And I have, almost, cut out diet colas....another big feat! Now if the headaches from it would cease!

    Well, this has gotten long enough.....I will blog more later on. And, last but not least, we are continuing to ask for prayers and looking to God's will on this. He has gotten me through all of my emotionally distraught episodes thus far and is ever patient with me having to continuously give this to Him. To God's glory be!

Shots, shots, shots shots shots shots.....

   This saying had a whole different meaning on our honeymoon to Turks and Caicos (I actually think we heard this moniker way too much across the whole resort and would stop to watch what concoction they had fixed up then).

  

Now, this moniker explains my life over the next many weeks.......so we got all the supplies for the shots in the day after Alan's procedure

Might not look like a ton to you, but those three bags of needles make my stomach churn! But, it meant it was real and we are truly starting! 

     So this week began injections and of course Alan was out of town on day one which made my nerves crazy! So read, re-read, watched videos, and more videos on the instructions (cause even being in medicine you want to make sure it is right and not used to injecting yourself! Especially on something so important)! So, opened the medication, filled the needle, alcohol on my stomach, and pinch....open needle, breathe, and breathe again.....and again.....attempt to go towards stabbing myself.....fail, breathe again

Ok...I can do it....stuck myself and injected the goods (Lupron first). Burned a little and took it out. HOLY COW how am I going to do that every morning????

So, I went on my way and looked down, 

Bruised.....well, at least I'll know where I injected prior and not use the same site! And that ended day 1 of injections.....

     Day 2, Alan was home and wanted to watch me inject so he could do it to me tomorrow....I was freaking out because I didn't want it to hurt again. May I go into tangent that I have the most wonderful and calming husband. He sat there and talked to me and then said, "Go" just do it and not think it is yourself....well, I did it and it didn't hurt or burn!!! So day 2 was a success. I think it is all because of Alan's talking to me and calming me and distracting me. Too bad he travels so much while I have to do these! So we are onto day 3 tomorrow and continuing. That's our journey thus far and we'll keep you posted as it goes....Alan's just glad his part is done. Until next time...