What a day! Yesterday was Alan's "Big Day!" We learned a HUGE lesson in when Alan has a procedure (and something I should already know NOT to do being in the medical profession) that we need NOT do! Googling the procedure or probably procedures prior to having it done (the night before) and watching the video is NOT a good idea!! There was all types of anxiety on his part. We made it through, though.....just note taken!
So our day began bright and early as we made it to the fertility center surgery center. We had the best nurses work him up and try to make him feel relaxed. Then, the urologist came in......he went through what he would do, what might have to happen (scalpel freaked Alan out even more), and that he has no gaurantees for us. To say we felt like we were failing before he even started was an understatement.
So, they doped him up with all the good drugs....he was knocked out solid. And the waiting game began, my nerves were through the roof and I was praying the whole time while I had a wonderful friend/family member, Misty, there to take my mind off things. We talked and before we knew it the urologist came out to get me. I was so nervous! He looked at me and said "We got an all-star amount!" I don't think that I will ever forget those words! He hugged me and led me back to Alan. He was still knocked out.
I was so excited and when he first opened his eyes he looked at me and asked how it went. I told him we got an all-star amount, whatever that meant. We both broke down in tears. Prayers were answered. We are continuing on our journey for a biological baby!
It took about another hour for him to fully wake up and be ready to leave the surgery center, which meant I had to go to work before he got to go home. Misty was the life saver of the day and took him home. He spent the day resting and is back to "normal" today.
We prayed specifically for more than 10 sperm, because we were told that is how many we needed.......Alan asked the count from the time he woke up until after I left......he was given his count.....32 million......God gives abundantly more than we ask or expect!!
So, now we continue onto the next step.....my injections are being delivered today and we start them next week. We are proceeding cautiously and so excited and nervous at the same time. We continue to give this to God, but we feel such blessing at this moment we are rejoicing again and again. With God for us, who can be against us? I know who stands before me, beside me and behind me and He will continue throughout this process.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Sunday, August 11, 2013
The First Steps......
So, our journey has begun. It is quite scary and unbelieveable! Alan and I keep looking at each other and saying "Is it really here? Are we really doing this?" And the answer is, YES! So, we keep on keeping on. I can say the NUMBER ONE thing I have had to do being the control freak that I am is constantly, and I mean constantly, praying to God to give it all to Him. I am learning this slowly but surely!
So the journey begins with me having to take birth control for the first month. Birth control and me haven't always been the best of friends. Let's just say, my mother has made me trade them due to the fact I get more emotional (which we all know is dangerous!). I have been on the birth control for a week, so far, and I can say that it only has minimally effected my emotions (I've only cried extra about 4 different times, haha). Pray for Alan and everyone close to me that they survive this part!
The first part of Alan's journey begins tomorrow. Well, I guess we can say it began a few weeks ago. They gave us recommendations of vitamins and supplements for him to take to help with, well, his "boys." So, he began a very detailed regimen of taking these. Let's preface this with, Alan isn't good with taking pills. So, while he is home, I hear counting.....1....2....3...4...5...6...7....8...9. It's quite humorous on my end, but poor thing. So, that leads to his true beginning tomorrow. I might have to have him guest blog about his procedure later on, but he is not looking forward to it. Alan is having to have a procedure for sperm retrieval due to some things that we have tried previously not working out. He is put under general anesthesia (which I tell him is a huge plus) and then they go in to retreive the goods. I guess no man really looks forward to people getting near them! But I digress.....this is probably where we have most anxiety and where we have to pray the most on giving it to God. Every other test we have performed has shown us exactly on my part what I have and don't have. On Alan's part, it has been blood test that tell us that things should be there, but we have no visual proof until the procedure tomorrow. Anxiety, YES! Knowing God is in control and I shouldn't be anxious, YES! Praying to live that, YES! Pretty much, once we get through tomorrow, we will have our answer on whether we are proceeding to have a biological child or if we have to change our direction in acheiving a family. We are praying for the first.
We believe God is good in all things and all situations. We trust that He is doing what is best for us. In the meantime, we are just praying His will be done and that we will have what we need tomorrow. Until next time, with hopefully a great update......
So the journey begins with me having to take birth control for the first month. Birth control and me haven't always been the best of friends. Let's just say, my mother has made me trade them due to the fact I get more emotional (which we all know is dangerous!). I have been on the birth control for a week, so far, and I can say that it only has minimally effected my emotions (I've only cried extra about 4 different times, haha). Pray for Alan and everyone close to me that they survive this part!
The first part of Alan's journey begins tomorrow. Well, I guess we can say it began a few weeks ago. They gave us recommendations of vitamins and supplements for him to take to help with, well, his "boys." So, he began a very detailed regimen of taking these. Let's preface this with, Alan isn't good with taking pills. So, while he is home, I hear counting.....1....2....3...4...5...6...7....8...9. It's quite humorous on my end, but poor thing. So, that leads to his true beginning tomorrow. I might have to have him guest blog about his procedure later on, but he is not looking forward to it. Alan is having to have a procedure for sperm retrieval due to some things that we have tried previously not working out. He is put under general anesthesia (which I tell him is a huge plus) and then they go in to retreive the goods. I guess no man really looks forward to people getting near them! But I digress.....this is probably where we have most anxiety and where we have to pray the most on giving it to God. Every other test we have performed has shown us exactly on my part what I have and don't have. On Alan's part, it has been blood test that tell us that things should be there, but we have no visual proof until the procedure tomorrow. Anxiety, YES! Knowing God is in control and I shouldn't be anxious, YES! Praying to live that, YES! Pretty much, once we get through tomorrow, we will have our answer on whether we are proceeding to have a biological child or if we have to change our direction in acheiving a family. We are praying for the first.
We believe God is good in all things and all situations. We trust that He is doing what is best for us. In the meantime, we are just praying His will be done and that we will have what we need tomorrow. Until next time, with hopefully a great update......
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Admiration
I admire you. Yes, you. Women who are unable to conceive naturally. Who have a desire to be pregnant and try everything under the sun without successfully carrying a child in utero. I admire your strength, courage, and determination. I admire your wisdom you gain through this process. I admire how you handle heartache on a daily occasion.
I never truly thought of these women and their hardships until I was brought to this stage of my own. HOW SELFISH HAVE I BEEN??? Yes, I know plenty of women in this predicament and am even so blessed to call many of them friends. I have prayed alongside them, for them, and with them for children. But to truly feel their pain, I have not been successful in placing myself in their spots. And I am sorry for that. Your hearts were and are sensitive and I apologize for not being sensitive to that.
I know many of these mothers who are now adoptive parents and are overly thrilled with that blessing that God has given them, but still, I know there is still a longing to carry a child. We, as women, have a responsibility (not only from God but His calling for us to others) to place ourselves in the shoes of the suffering. I fail this on a daily basis. Yes, these children that they have now adopted and called their own are no different than if they had their own, but there is still a sensitivity towards being pregnant. So, convicting myself, I call us to think of things we say to women in this position prior to saying/doing them. We need to encourage each other, pray for each other, and place ourselves in the other's shoes. Be honest with each other, I have found this to bring the most sanity to me thus far! Pretending to be happy and jovial is way too much work, so having people we can be honest and open with is such a blessing!
Thank you to those before me who have gone through infertility and taught me things. Thank you for being open with me and giving me a glimpse into your heart. Women who go through this are stronger than I ever could imagine and I admire your strength. You carry on and continue to praise God through it all. You give everyone hope who is in your shoes.
I never truly thought of these women and their hardships until I was brought to this stage of my own. HOW SELFISH HAVE I BEEN??? Yes, I know plenty of women in this predicament and am even so blessed to call many of them friends. I have prayed alongside them, for them, and with them for children. But to truly feel their pain, I have not been successful in placing myself in their spots. And I am sorry for that. Your hearts were and are sensitive and I apologize for not being sensitive to that.
I know many of these mothers who are now adoptive parents and are overly thrilled with that blessing that God has given them, but still, I know there is still a longing to carry a child. We, as women, have a responsibility (not only from God but His calling for us to others) to place ourselves in the shoes of the suffering. I fail this on a daily basis. Yes, these children that they have now adopted and called their own are no different than if they had their own, but there is still a sensitivity towards being pregnant. So, convicting myself, I call us to think of things we say to women in this position prior to saying/doing them. We need to encourage each other, pray for each other, and place ourselves in the other's shoes. Be honest with each other, I have found this to bring the most sanity to me thus far! Pretending to be happy and jovial is way too much work, so having people we can be honest and open with is such a blessing!
Thank you to those before me who have gone through infertility and taught me things. Thank you for being open with me and giving me a glimpse into your heart. Women who go through this are stronger than I ever could imagine and I admire your strength. You carry on and continue to praise God through it all. You give everyone hope who is in your shoes.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Overwhelmed.....
So, we attended our Fertility Class last week which was overwhelming to say the least! The class consisted of two portions, a group setting with other couples who are going to be starting this process and an individual session. So we began, we were educated on all of the medications we could possibly be placed on....holy cow. We then were taught how to inject these medications correctly. Thankfully, having experience in this, it wasn't so bad....Alan did a great job of learning, though we didn't actually inject ourselves. After the medications were covered, we went through our rules of what we can and can't do over the cycle process and into pregnancy. Let's go with the hardest things Lauren learned:
1. Caffeine reduction to 50 mg a day. (I had a Diet Mountain Dew worth over 100 mg sitting in from of me for my "morning" drink). This will be a dramatic change that I am starting to wean myself off of as we speak (since I think it may be a long process!). It was quite humorous because Alan and I had coffee and Diet Mountain Dew while every other couple had water.....
2. Once I begin injections I cannot exercise anymore, not even a brisk walk. Now, I was quite excited about this part because most people know I loathe running, so an excuse was music to my ears! Which also means that I need to get on it now so that I can handle not exercising and not gaining anymore weight! It was quite humorous because the lady beside me was upset beyond words she would not be able to exercise (I was like "OMG, not that serious."). She was more upset than I was about caffeine! haha.
3. Pelvic rest......3 months of it......look it up. They don't tell ya that part.
So, once we had that covered, we went on to more and more information about each day of the cycle and the schedule of blood work, ultrasounds, and transfers. It was all OVERWHELMING! We then had to go through paperwork for decisions we wanted to make concerning genetic counseling, freezing of embryos, placement of embryos, etc. Lots to decide about!
So after we completed that information, we met with an IVF nurse, she went over our individual plan, asked when we would like to begin, and answered some further questions. She was the teacher of the class and when she found out I was in the medical field apologized for the class being so simple.....my eyes got big, I was like, um, there was nothing simple about that! Even us medical people don't know the ins and outs of infertility!
So the journey continues, we are making our final decisions and I probably will not be posting as much in detail as some things I want to keep private and don't want to expose our exact cycle until it is completed. I am going to continue keeping track and will be posting the process after we are completed. That being said, we ask for prayers over the next several months as we make our decision of when to begin this process, the process itself, and its outcome. We want God's will to be done in this and His grace to be upon us. Until next time.....
1. Caffeine reduction to 50 mg a day. (I had a Diet Mountain Dew worth over 100 mg sitting in from of me for my "morning" drink). This will be a dramatic change that I am starting to wean myself off of as we speak (since I think it may be a long process!). It was quite humorous because Alan and I had coffee and Diet Mountain Dew while every other couple had water.....
2. Once I begin injections I cannot exercise anymore, not even a brisk walk. Now, I was quite excited about this part because most people know I loathe running, so an excuse was music to my ears! Which also means that I need to get on it now so that I can handle not exercising and not gaining anymore weight! It was quite humorous because the lady beside me was upset beyond words she would not be able to exercise (I was like "OMG, not that serious."). She was more upset than I was about caffeine! haha.
3. Pelvic rest......3 months of it......look it up. They don't tell ya that part.
So, once we had that covered, we went on to more and more information about each day of the cycle and the schedule of blood work, ultrasounds, and transfers. It was all OVERWHELMING! We then had to go through paperwork for decisions we wanted to make concerning genetic counseling, freezing of embryos, placement of embryos, etc. Lots to decide about!
So after we completed that information, we met with an IVF nurse, she went over our individual plan, asked when we would like to begin, and answered some further questions. She was the teacher of the class and when she found out I was in the medical field apologized for the class being so simple.....my eyes got big, I was like, um, there was nothing simple about that! Even us medical people don't know the ins and outs of infertility!
So the journey continues, we are making our final decisions and I probably will not be posting as much in detail as some things I want to keep private and don't want to expose our exact cycle until it is completed. I am going to continue keeping track and will be posting the process after we are completed. That being said, we ask for prayers over the next several months as we make our decision of when to begin this process, the process itself, and its outcome. We want God's will to be done in this and His grace to be upon us. Until next time.....
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Pre-requisites.....
So, before you can even start the process of fertility treatments you have a load of plentiful pre-requisites. It feels like a never ending list and I just see $$ and wonder why some of them are even necessary. I guess that is the bad part of me knowing too much in the medical field.
So, this past week, we had a meeting with the urologist for Alan's consultation. I think we are a go, though he probably is the most confusing doctor I have ever met....football and fraternity analogies aren't for me! The other fun appointment we had last week was for a hystersalpingogram. What a fun word is that??? I like saying the word better than the test itself. This is the one test that I think is senseless but hey, gotta do what I gotta do. So, I was told to come with someone and be expected to be sedentary for 2 hours after and have someone drive me home. My doctor even told me I could have the day off....so, onto the procedure. Alan went with me, though I told him I would be okay. It was actually not that bad of a procedure, though people had forwarned me otherwise. Alan went back with me and I think he was in more pain watching it than I was having it done. So, I felt fine afterward and decided I am wonderwoman, hahaha, and could go to work. Let's just say the afterward symptoms were worse than the whole procedure and seeing patients in clinic then going to a 4 hour brain surgery isn't really what I should've been doing! But, overall it wasn't that bad. So, it came back normal and we are onto the next steps.
After these two appointments, I'm not going to lie, I have gotten nervous. The reality of this process is here. It isn't an idea of "what we are going to have to do" it is what we are doing. Thankfully in being vocal about this I have seen several people who have gone through this too with great stories, I just am praying our's ends up the same. Heck, I am still praying for a miracle in the next 2 weeks so we don't have to do it! But, in all this, I still have a peace from God we are doing the right thing. I have to remember that Satan wants me to worry and wants me to doubt. Plenty of prayer and family/friend support has helped for sure.
So in the next few weeks we get to perform more pre-requisites, plenty of blood work, and we take the IVF class. Looking forward to that part because then the actual process can begin! No more pre-reqs! Anyway, that is the latest.......let the ride continue.
So, this past week, we had a meeting with the urologist for Alan's consultation. I think we are a go, though he probably is the most confusing doctor I have ever met....football and fraternity analogies aren't for me! The other fun appointment we had last week was for a hystersalpingogram. What a fun word is that??? I like saying the word better than the test itself. This is the one test that I think is senseless but hey, gotta do what I gotta do. So, I was told to come with someone and be expected to be sedentary for 2 hours after and have someone drive me home. My doctor even told me I could have the day off....so, onto the procedure. Alan went with me, though I told him I would be okay. It was actually not that bad of a procedure, though people had forwarned me otherwise. Alan went back with me and I think he was in more pain watching it than I was having it done. So, I felt fine afterward and decided I am wonderwoman, hahaha, and could go to work. Let's just say the afterward symptoms were worse than the whole procedure and seeing patients in clinic then going to a 4 hour brain surgery isn't really what I should've been doing! But, overall it wasn't that bad. So, it came back normal and we are onto the next steps.
After these two appointments, I'm not going to lie, I have gotten nervous. The reality of this process is here. It isn't an idea of "what we are going to have to do" it is what we are doing. Thankfully in being vocal about this I have seen several people who have gone through this too with great stories, I just am praying our's ends up the same. Heck, I am still praying for a miracle in the next 2 weeks so we don't have to do it! But, in all this, I still have a peace from God we are doing the right thing. I have to remember that Satan wants me to worry and wants me to doubt. Plenty of prayer and family/friend support has helped for sure.
So in the next few weeks we get to perform more pre-requisites, plenty of blood work, and we take the IVF class. Looking forward to that part because then the actual process can begin! No more pre-reqs! Anyway, that is the latest.......let the ride continue.
Monday, May 6, 2013
A Time Of Change
So, it has almost been two years since I blogged, which I feel I have been a slacker. A lot has changed since then. I went to Australia (which is where we were when I last blogged) and had a blast, started dating my wonderful husband, got a job in neurosurgery, and got engaged. Then 3 short weeks later we eloped to Charleston to get married before I moved up to Nashville where we are now settling. It has been a ride and I have been taking it all in and what feels like running through life! It is amazing how quick the time passes and that we have already been married a year! It is the most wonderful blessing God has given me thusfar. Also, was blessed with the cutest nephew! He is my heart.
So that catches up to now, and I am going to start blogging again, through this new journey in my life. One which I pray over and hope that helps others in my situation, as well as is some therapy for myself.
So here begins, I was born wanting to be a mom. When my sister was born, my poor father had to stay up all night to make my "baby" a bassinet because I was a "mommy" too. I have always had the desire to be a mom and as others would tell you, I have had the maternal instinct. Growing up, I had my life planned. By the age of 26, I had it planned (written in my 12 year old journal) I would have at least 4 children and working on number 5 and 6. Their sex was planned, their names were planned, my husband was even planned. God had different plans. At the age of 26, I had friends with children who I adoringly called "my kids" and I value them and my relationships with them dearly. But something was missing, it wasn't the same as having a child to call "my own." My sister, who was never really into babies, had a baby last year. And to see her transformation as a mom and to see that precious baby even made me long for a baby moreso.
So, Alan and I were married. He has two children of his own and I became a "Step-Mom." It was a really hard transition. They were 18 and 19 at the time and already adults. But adjusting to being a step-mom of adults is different than that of young kids. Alan and I knew from the beginning of our relationship we wanted kids of our own. So, we decided 5 months after we were married to start trying. Both of us having an inkling suspicion of our own, it wasn't going to be easy. After 5 months of trying, I went to my OB/GYN who agreed we needed to be seen by the fertility clinic. Wow, those frightful words that I had so desperately not wanted to hear. So, we set up our meeting for a consultation and on we went. Our doctor is amazing (and it probably helps that I have medical knowledge as well) and she explained so many things. We have been poked and prodded and diagnosed with things that I never wanted to hear. But, there was a peace throughout this meeting and these tests. We were told, unless a miracle happens, we won't be able to conceive a child naturally. We were counseled on IVF and given our options and our plan of action. I will admit, I cried but God filled me with peace in those moments. So we prayed and are still praying. First, that a miracle takes place, but second that God will keep a peace around this situation if it is meant to be.
So, this is my new journey in life. I am going to blog as I may on our journey down the IVF/fertility trail. We haven't begun yet and have some more pre-requisite testing to perform (oh how I feel like I am in college and applying for grad school again with these pre-reqs) but the road has begun. I know it will be rough at times and Alan and I both aren't excited about what lies ahead with hormones! But in the end, God has a plan and we are only wanting to follow Him.
We thank you for your prayers, in advance, and in allowing me to share my journey with you.
So that catches up to now, and I am going to start blogging again, through this new journey in my life. One which I pray over and hope that helps others in my situation, as well as is some therapy for myself.
So here begins, I was born wanting to be a mom. When my sister was born, my poor father had to stay up all night to make my "baby" a bassinet because I was a "mommy" too. I have always had the desire to be a mom and as others would tell you, I have had the maternal instinct. Growing up, I had my life planned. By the age of 26, I had it planned (written in my 12 year old journal) I would have at least 4 children and working on number 5 and 6. Their sex was planned, their names were planned, my husband was even planned. God had different plans. At the age of 26, I had friends with children who I adoringly called "my kids" and I value them and my relationships with them dearly. But something was missing, it wasn't the same as having a child to call "my own." My sister, who was never really into babies, had a baby last year. And to see her transformation as a mom and to see that precious baby even made me long for a baby moreso.
So, Alan and I were married. He has two children of his own and I became a "Step-Mom." It was a really hard transition. They were 18 and 19 at the time and already adults. But adjusting to being a step-mom of adults is different than that of young kids. Alan and I knew from the beginning of our relationship we wanted kids of our own. So, we decided 5 months after we were married to start trying. Both of us having an inkling suspicion of our own, it wasn't going to be easy. After 5 months of trying, I went to my OB/GYN who agreed we needed to be seen by the fertility clinic. Wow, those frightful words that I had so desperately not wanted to hear. So, we set up our meeting for a consultation and on we went. Our doctor is amazing (and it probably helps that I have medical knowledge as well) and she explained so many things. We have been poked and prodded and diagnosed with things that I never wanted to hear. But, there was a peace throughout this meeting and these tests. We were told, unless a miracle happens, we won't be able to conceive a child naturally. We were counseled on IVF and given our options and our plan of action. I will admit, I cried but God filled me with peace in those moments. So we prayed and are still praying. First, that a miracle takes place, but second that God will keep a peace around this situation if it is meant to be.
So, this is my new journey in life. I am going to blog as I may on our journey down the IVF/fertility trail. We haven't begun yet and have some more pre-requisite testing to perform (oh how I feel like I am in college and applying for grad school again with these pre-reqs) but the road has begun. I know it will be rough at times and Alan and I both aren't excited about what lies ahead with hormones! But in the end, God has a plan and we are only wanting to follow Him.
We thank you for your prayers, in advance, and in allowing me to share my journey with you.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
A Long Time Past.....
So, I have realized it has been forever since I have blogged......almost 6 months. A lot has happened since then. We spent Christmas in Vegas. Mom, Dad, and I had a blast! New Year's was spent in Mobile, again, with my best of friends and it was thoroughly enjoyable with all my babies! Since then, the year has flown by and I can't believe it is already April and almost May! I ran the Cooper River Bridge Run again this year. It was a blast and I am enjoying the new tradition of living in SC and running it with the Stewart clan! I was, also, very excited to be running it with some Columbia peeps! Beat my PR from last year, so was pumped about that as well!
The next big adventure is coming up quickly! Friday, Tiffany and I leave for Australia. To say we are a little excited is truly an understatement! It seems like we have been planning this trip for such a long time that the fact it is actually here is just crazy! I am really excited to be visiting Ben and Leslie Mosteller and know they are going to be the best tour guides in the world! And, can't wait to see them after almost 9 months! Miss my little brother and his precious wife! Tiffany and I are excited to go on this crazy adventure and 23 hour flight....so if you read this before Friday, know that we covet your prayers on our level of ADD for this flight! I will definitely post some pics when we get back and tell all about it! Well, off to pack. Until the next time!
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