Twins at twelve weeks

So, we announced to the world we are having twins and we couldn't be more excited and feeling blessed! Sorry for you all not getting answers sooner, but with our concerns on baby B and some spotting issues I was having early on, we decided it was best to get to the "safer zone" before we said anything. 

    We were given ultrasounds at 6 weeks, where we found we were having two, then due to my spotting at 7 weeks....and it is crazy the difference in growth in just that week! Then again at 8 weeks. Baby B was looking good along with A and both had strong heartbeats and normal size yolk sacs at that point! We felt comforted! We were, at that point, released from our fertility center to our regular OBGYN. I felt like I deserved a diploma for graduating or something! 

     We had our appointment with my normal OBGYN, Dr. Rossell, right at 12 weeks. It was so hard going 4 weeks without an ultrasound! You kinda get spoiled with those things and getting to see the babies! Due to it being twins, I will get an ultrasound for fetal heart tones at each visit! Which means I get to see them once a month! Both babies looked great at this visit and both had great heart rates! One of them, and I can't remember which, was even already stubborn in trying to let us get his side profile.....I say his just because that's what I think it is not because we know. 

      So, everything is looking good and we were excited to get the clear from her that it would be okay to announce we were having twins! Now just to wait 8 more weeks to find out what we are having! I begged for sooner but it didn't work....don't know if she doesn't understand how big of a planner I am and so type A! But I have been learning patience through this and will continue!

     Thank you, again, for all of your prayers for us and the continued prayers! We feel them and know that is how we are where we are today. With God's grace and goodness! 

Injections

I promised myself from the beginning I was going to be honest about this process, not make it look fluffy and simple, but let my true emotions show and my true fears. Today, I am having a frustration with injections.
    Now don't get me wrong, I am so excited about being pregnant and I know that these are necessary to help keep me pregnant until my body's natural hormones fully take over. BUT, THEY HURT SO BADLY! At times. Alan has become a pro over the past 6 weeks giving them and it doesn't even hurt anymore when he jabs me with the needle….he learned that the quicker he goes the better and it doesn't hurt me. It's just the aftermath of the injections that hurt.
      Initially, we are taught to inject the progesterone and the estrogen into either the upper buttocks or the lateral thigh. They suggest the upper buttocks, so that's where I began. It hurt to sit a few days because of how sore your muscles get (imagine getting a flu or tetanus shot every day and every other day in the same place). It eventually got a little better, but then it seemed the injections decided to flare up the nerves in my buttock/low back region and that was PAINFUL. So, at that time we changed the location to my lateral thighs. Didn't hurt as much as I thought it was going to, so that was pleasantly nice. But, now I feel like I have been performing squats or lunges for hours at the gym. It isn't too bad, but it still isn't the most pleasant feeling. Also, where the injections are has become numb. Like can't feel myself scratch my leg numb. It's just weird feeling more than anything. don't know if this is normal or not and just hoping feeling comes back after the injections stop!
     I'm not trying to complain, because like I said, I am ecstatic to be pregnant and that this worked and know this is the process! But, I definitely don't look forward to my nightly injections and am kinda counting the days until 11-12 weeks hits so I can be finished with them. And, I hope I never have an illness in life where I have to take injection therapy for the remainder of my days and respect those people who have to do that.
     So, that is my tangent today. I feel better now, ha. And now awaiting the next injection!

Craziness!!

Oh the emotions going through my mind over the past 24 hours! We told Alan's kids about our pregnancy last night and that brought on nerves galore! Then, this morning was our ultrasound. The test we have been waiting on to let us know if we have a true pregnancy or a chemical pregnancy.
      We have had a peace over this and have been praying nightly through our book. This pregnancy is definitely being prayed over! God is the ultimate Creator and Sustainer and we have faith that He will provide us what we need no matter the results of the ultrasound.
       The only true anxiety I had over the ultrasound is the weather. Ice and snow (at 8 degree high today) was our concern on even being able to make it to the doctor's office. Thankfully, the roads were mostly clear. So we made it there with time to spare!
        Alan and I signed in and waited our turn. We got into the ultrasound room and my nerves finally hit me. We were about to find out the truth about our babies. The ultrasound tech came in, told us she was going to look first then she would talk to us and lead us on what she sees, if anything. So, Alan sat behind me and I lay just praying.
       After about 2 minutes, she said, well here you go. "There are TWO!" My emotions overwhelmed me and the tears came. I was so excited and Alan the same. We then got to see the heartbeats, which is probably the coolest thing I have ever seen in my life! Tears came and laughs and oh my gosh's and thank you God's. There is only one concern on baby B. Being that I am exactly 6 weeks and 1 and 2 days, Baby B is 6 weeks plus 1 and has a borderline large yolk sac still, which presents with a higher risk of a miscarriage of that baby. We are just praying over this and that he/she will survive.
      We are beyond excited, though trying to be protectively excited. We have a repeat ultrasound in 2 weeks to recheck those babies and then I will be able to follow up with my regular OB/GYN. Since I am carrying twins, I have to continue my injections for 5-6 more weeks. Which, though it is a painful process, I am 100% okay with doing for these babes!
      It hasn't truly hit me, but then there are moments that it does and I am just over the moon. I'm going to be a mommy! Something I didn't think would really happen to me. God is too good and to gracious!
       We are continuing to pray and will keep you posted. Thank you for the prayers and I just have to say it one more time: I AM PREGNANT AND HAVING TWINS!!!!!!

The Day of Reckoning

Monday Morning -

5:00 AM - woke up with anxiety.....today is the day. It hit me around 5 AM and I couldn't go back to sleep. So, I prayed. It didn't help that I was a little stressed over work and a miscommunication so I had to do some surgery stuff before I even got to my blood draw.

6:00 AM - Got up and ready, with my nerves still running crazy, but somewhat calmed from an hour previous.

By 6:30 AM I had left the house and headed to the hospital, did some work and left on my way to my blood draw.

8:00 AM - Sat in the waiting room for 15 minutes so far....I was texting Alan like crazy as my nerves, again got working. 20 minutes later, I was called back. Said my prayers. And, my blood was drawn.

They ask you how you want to be notified of your results - voicemail box or call your phone. Last time we chose the voicemail box, this time I chose my phone. So, I left with prayers over that blood work.

8:30 AM - made it to the OR and into surgery. Thankful for a busy schedule for the day, we got working. I started cramping almost immediately and got kind of concerned. Did some breathing, kept chugging along, and thankfully it was only about a two and a half hour case. After the case went up to the office to see a patient and then it was time for lunch.

Noon - No sooner than did I get in my boss's car, did my cell phone ring and it was the fertility clinic. Dang it, I couldn't answer. So, a voicemail was left. I text Alan immediately telling him I had a voicemail. He text me back he was in his car and heading my way.....except he was heading to the hospital and I was heading to lunch. So, we decided to meet up after lunch and listen to the voicemail.

1:00 PM - As my boss and I were waiting on our car, my phone rang again....the fertility center again.....odd I thought, I had a voicemail already. So, I excused myself and answered.

"Lauren?"
- "Yes?"
- "Hey, It's Ellen. Did you get my message?"
- "No, ma'am, I have been at lunch and haven't been able to check it yet."
- "Well, I was wondering why I hadn't heard back from you yet because I figured you would call me immediately."
- "What's going on?"
- "Well, I have some great news! Your levels came back today and I am so happy to tell you that you are PREGNANT!!!!"
- "You have to be kidding me? Seriously???"
- "Yes ma'am! Your levels are 341 for your HCG and I would've been happy with 75."
- "THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!"
And that was the extent of the conversation.

Needless to say, I was speechless for a bit. Couldn't breathe. And thanking my Savior and praising him the whole way back to the office. I had planned to not tell Alan I knew and to surprise him at home that night with a creative way to let him know. I was rushing to a meeting when I got back to work and text him that I was about to start when he let me know he was downstairs. So, I rushed downstairs. He looked more nervous then me!
     I took him aside and told him they had called me back, that I hadn't listened to the message but they gave me some news.....He was going to be a Daddy again. We both started crying and hugging! The best moment of our lives!

We are so excited to announce this pregnancy. I have delayed to post this portion so that we could be out of the "danger zone". Since Monday, I have had another HCG level and it is increasing, which is a good sign! We have another HCG level Monday, then an ultrasound in 2 weeks. So excited and glad that this cramping means a little being is growing inside of me!
     So far, just cramping and being tired are my only symptoms....though the smell of seafood the other day made me nauseated. No complaining here, though! The injections continue....Progesterone every night and Estrogen every Tuesday and Saturdays until I am 8-12 weeks pregnant. It is worth it to hear those words.....YOU ARE PREGNANT!
     Thank you all for your prayers over this process! It has meant so much and continues to mean so much. Without prayer, we would not be where we are today. Without our faith, we would not be able to even go through this process. Thank you God for your grace and mercy over us in this process!

Transplant Day Take Two...

     The morning began around 6:30. I had the option of sleeping in later, since I was off today, but Alan actually had a test on his gallbladder and had to be up, so with my nerves, there was no going back to sleep. Alan left around 7:30 for his test, I made us call our voicemail once before he left to see if we had our message regarding our embryos and the unfreezing process. There was no message. So, he left, and I got busy. By 8:45, I had dusted the whole house, vacuumed, swept, straightened, cleaned carpets, started two loads of laundry, folded laundry, and finished packing for our upcoming trip. Girls gotta stay busy to keep her mind off things!

       Alan's test was to last two hours, so the fact our transfer was delayed an hour was actually a blessing. At 9:20, Alan text me to say part one was done and part two was starting, which lasted another hour......my stress level escalated....we needed to leave our house by 10:15 to get to the fertility clinic on time. Alan assured me we would be fine, but seeing as I had no message from our embryologist regarding our embryos yet, I had decided who knows if we needed to even leave to make it there. We were to get a voicemail by 9:30. 9:26 - no message. I was almost in tears. Called back at 9:29 and one new message. My stomach was in knots, my heart going 90 to nothing, and holding my breath. We had a successful unfreezing process. I started bawling and thanking God. He had provided His first miracles of the day.

     So, Alan made it home by 10:35. I was a stress case (for those of you who know me I am way anal about being places early and not late). I was ready and we hurriedly made it to the fertility clinic. I jumped out and Alan went to  park. They were calling our name as I ran in and by the time Alan got back to the surgery center, I had signed my consent form, taken my Valium (praying they actually worked this time since they doubled my dose) and changed into my beautiful hospital gown. 

       The embryologist came in and showed us the pictures of our babies -

Aren't they cute?? This is 6 day old unfrozen embryos...since usually the normal person doesn't get to see their babies at this time. 

So, after we saw our embryos, we met with our doctor, Dr. Eblen. I was so happy she was performing our transfer this time since I am so comfortable with her. I was definitely feeling relaxed at this point, which we were also happy about! 

     They wheeled me back with Alan in tow in his scrubs

      The transfer process wasn't as bad this time. I hardly felt a thing. She talked us through the whole process and Alan got to watch and see everything under ultrasound which he loved. We again received our first sonogram picture of their placement.

     After that, I had to lie for an hour with my feet elevated. Thankfully I didn't have to pee as badly this time! I actually fell asleep, I think. So we left for home and got much needed lunch on the way. Once we got home, I got in bed and Alan packed for our trip. I had to be on bed rest for the remainder of the day, which we got approval for it to be in the back of the car as we traveled to Georgia. I got a good 4 hours of sleeping in prior to the car ride and once we got to my parents, lying down was priority. 

   Overall, it was a lot less stressful than the first transfer. We left the next day for a family vacation and as long as I don't lift or exercise, I am good. 

     I have been cramping consistently, which is scaring me, but it hasn't changed in consistency even while in sleeping at night, so who knows. I'm trying to be calm and praying a ton for peace and for these babies to implant. If you could continue to pray with us. We know only our God can perform this miracle. 

Three days and counting....

Three days away. THREE DAYS!! To say I am not anxious would be a lie. I am, my nerves are hitting me, especially today. Maybe it is the fact I am home by myself this week and have an excessive amount of time to think about it, or it is that reality is hitting as the injections increase. I don't know, but it is here. My prayers have been for God to take full control and for Him to take my anxiety away. And believe me, y'alls prayers are being felt because I have been mostly calm.
      This round, I am not nearly as stressed as I was last cycle. I remember being UBER stressed last time at this same point. Not knowing when we were going to implant, my schedule with work, conflicts at work, and other drama surrounding me made me a balled up mess....and that doesn't even include the crazyness of hormones!! I am a lot calmer and like I said, a lot less stressed. But, I am still anxious about these embryos unfreezing. I pray and pray and ask you to pray and pray.
     I had three injections today. One in my stomach (only 2 more days of this one!!!!) and two in my buttocks. They hurt.....but I am getting used to someone else giving them to me. As long as someone else will keep giving them to me, I will be good to go! They make your gluteal muscles really, really sore. So, I have been going around limping because I can't walk right. It got better throughout the day....but if you notice me limping or wincing when I sit down or stand up, that is why. These injections continue through the transfer and if I get pregnant, then 8 - 10 weeks more of them.....I just remind myself, it is for a great reason.
     My mood this week has been irritable, but not too bad. I think I have snapped a few times, but I have quickly snapped out of it. I haven't cried at all compared to last cycle, which is super!
     And, I want to let you all know God works miracles. As of Sunday, I was ready to have surgery Monday on my neck because it hurt so badly and was back into my shoulder and arm. I prayed for a miracle and Monday I had not a single symptom and it was even an OR day. Today has been good, as well. So, just praying it continues!
      Anyway, three days. We check before 9:30 AM for results on our embryos unfreezing, so please continue prayers for this. Then, if they are unfrozen, we will implant at 11 AM central (so noon for all my east coast folks). Prayers are much appreciated and I so appreciate all of you. We will keep you posted!

Faith in the One That Counts.....

    So, where to begin. Last week, the new PA who was to take over the surgery portion of my job began. She lasted one day in the OR and decided to quit. To say disappointed in how she did it, is an understatement, but it seems I will be staying in the OR for now. My doctor and I have figured out a schedule to last into the new year and all will be good, I hope! But, just another example of how when I look forward to something, it doesn't happen. Not for a pity party, but just why I am so apprehensive about being excited or even optimistic about IVF working.
      Also, last week, I got an epidural in my neck for all my issues. The wonderfulness is...it has helped! Thankfully! I have stayed 80% pain-free since last Friday. Today in the OR was painful, but after some icing tonight, I seem to be doing well! This is a definite answer to prayers. My shoulder pain has almost completely gone away, but I seem to still have some numbness/tingling in my arm. Nothing I can't handle.
     So, back to the IVF stuff. I began injections of estrogen on Tuesdays and Saturdays. They are in the booty and not as bad as the progesterone from last cycle, but still not the most pleasant things in the world. I am continuing on my Lupron injections in the abdomen, which aren't bruising me so much this past week! Thankfully! So, today, I had my doctor's appointment for my blood levels and ulrasound. It went really well! My estrogen levels are  exactly where they want them and my lining is perfect, per the ultrasound. So, we are on target for our transfer next Friday.....omg, it is next Friday. That totally just hit me right this second as I typed it. Wow.
     So, today, I was given my instructions for the next few weeks. I start my third injection on Sunday. It is the progesterone injection which hurts like crazy. So, I will have my Lupron in my stomach and the progesterone in my buttocks every day, then estrogen on Tuesday and Saturdays. I am going to be honest. I am not looking forward to the buttocks injections every day. But, I will do what I need to do.
     We were given instructions for our implantation day, as well. We have to call by 9:30 in the morning to see if our embryos were able to unfreeze. I AM SO ANXIOUS about this part and not able to pray hard enough. I am trying my hardest to give this to God, but it is so hard. It is the deciding factor this time. I ask you to pray for these embryos and for me and my anxiety over this. My nurse practicioner is great and gave me encouragement about this today, but as I said above, I am so scared to be optimistic, because when I am things seem to go awry. So, I am focusing on today. And tomorrow, I will focus on tomorrow. And I will let God hold me and lead me to next Friday one day at a time.
      I'm guessing I am only going to get more emotional over the next week as my amount of hormones increase. So, please keep everyone around me in your prayers as they have to be patient with me and my antics. If you could please continuing praying for the embryos and the unfreezing process, my mindset and stress level, and for God to continue to surround this whole process and use it for His glory. It has gone by super fast this time. I am excited to see what the future holds. Until next time.....