This last weekend was Mother's Day weekend and I began to reflect on Mother's Day and on this time last year. You see, this time last year, I was in a state of sadness. We had just found out that conception the natural way was not in our cards and we were unsure if even fertility treatments would work. I became a woman without children. A woman who didn't know if she would be able to have children which is what I longed for my whole life.
This time last year, we had told a few friends of the position we were in and man do I have some encouraging friends. They sent blogs of women they knew or didn't know who had gone through the same season, Bible verses to read, and prayed for us. During that time, I received a blog, and I wish I could find it now, but it had to do with Mother's Day for the motherless and how we need to approach this situation.
I had never been sad on Mother's Day, but I also had never been told I might not become a mother naturally. Mother's Day was always celebrating my mom and that sufficed. I never thought of it as my holiday (unless it was my birthday too of course!). But last year changed things. And it changed my view on how we all need to be tender-hearted to women who are childless or who have lost a child. There is a sadness deep within. And I suffered from a "Why God?" and "Why Me?" mentality. It's almost as if Satan knows your longing and wants it to sting a little bit more and for you to build up a bitterness.
So, I have been thinking about this off and on since that day last year. And this whole process has brought me to a deeper understanding and a deeper affection for those who have difficulties getting pregnant, staying pregnant, or just being a mom.
Something I say to all mother's who have not been through this and know someone who is going through the process is this. Be compassionate, be understanding, and please do not try to give advice to us. Don't tell us it will happen and don't promise things only God is in control of, it doesn't make the situation better. Be a supportive listening ear. And let it be okay with your friend/sister for them to have some sadness and share it with you at certain times. It's what we need more than advice.
But to those who are going through this process (which is where this long blog is supposed to start) I have this advice. Where is your identity? Not only did I read a blog last year about this, but our preacher preached on this Sunday during his "Mother's Day" sermon. Where is your identity? Is it in being a mother? Is it in being a wife? Is it in being a friend? Or is it in being in Christ? Those first things are wonderful things to be, but they don't make us who we are and shouldn't define us. Our life in Christ is what should define us! It's such great news and such a wonderful perspective!
Being identified in Christ is how we should live our lives and once we have this mindset, it is amazing what He can accomplish through us. Even in those hard times when we don't understand why. He does. And He has a plan. Our focus needs to be on our relationship with Him and looking to what he has for us in this moment. We are beautiful, amazing creatures no matter if we are a mother or wife or not. Begin thinking of all the things you can do for Him and areas you can serve without having a husband or child to keep you busy. It is amazing at the opportunities! We are all wonderfully made and it doesn't matter what earthly title we hold. It only matters the title we hold with Christ.
So, though it is hard and I know we all have our frustrated, pity-party, sad, depressing days (because believe me I have had quite a few) come back to the question of "Where is your identity?" Because this brings encouragement to me and has throughout this process. God knows our hearts. He knows our desires. He knows what He has for us. We just have to trust in Him and live for Him.
My Identity is not in being a Mother, but in Jesus Christ.
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