So, for some reason over the past few days, God has really laid on my heart to share my testimony. This may get lengthy, but I hope that He uses this for His purpose and for the reason He has laid it on me.
I was born into a Christian home.....you know, we went to church every Sunday morning and night and attended Wednesday night Awana's and any other church event that was going on. My parents love Jesus with all their hearts and made sure we had our family devotional time and learned about Jesus. I don't remember a time Jesus wasn't the head of the house. My Granny (my mom's mom) was instrumental in Jesus in our lives, too. She showed a true testimony of Christ through sharing him with others and never doubting him through her struggle with cancer. I asked Jesus into my heart when I was 7 or 8 at a concert at the Citadel where Larnelle Harris and other Christian artists were performing. I actually went up with a group of my friends, because it was "kids day" and that's what we were supposed to do! I was baptized soon after at Isle of Palms beach in the ocean.....like Jesus.
When I was 9, my Granny died. I remember going into the house and seeing her in the dying process. I ran out to my bike and started riding it.....screaming at God , "Why? Why God are you doing this?" That was the first day my life was shattered. God had let me down. My best friend in life, my idol of this world and everything I wanted to be, was gone. I didn't go to her funeral. I didn't accept she was gone. And I got angry. I knew God had a plan, but I was bitter towards Him.
Well, life continued. My life with God as my Savior continued and I was involved in youth groups and had great friends in Charleston. I had my whole life planned out. I knew who I was marrying, the kids I would have, the college I was going to and my major and career planned. Then, He decided to rock our world. He decided to uproot our family and move us to Indiana and eventually to Charlotte, NC. During this time, it was what many call the "awkward" years for me. I was made fun of to a degree that I couldn't even describe. Let's just say being the new girl who is taller than all of her classmates and wears braces and is a little pudgy is not exactly easily accepted. I then saw my sister, the tiny, perfect sized, athletic, hilarious thing that she was be accepted by everyone and make friends and become popular. She had it so easy, I thought. So, I became angry with God, again. How could He take me away from my best friends and put me in this horrible situation. It wasn't my plan! Beyond what I could control and though I looked to Him sometimes, He wasn't the person I turned to. He took my Granny away and now my friends. I longed so badly to be accepted and I was so out of control in life. So, I decided I would take control and become skinny. I took control of the only thing that I could....eating. Without my parents knowing, I became bulemic/anorexic. If I ate, I exercised like crazy or took laxetives. And I began losing weight, and I began being noticed. I liked it. But it didn't last. And shortly after, we moved to Georgia.
Georgia was a milder situation. I grew in Christ, but through my wants in the world, it wasn't as deep as it should have been. But, He led me to Samford. I had the plan to attend pharmacy school at Samford. I worked hard for this goal and applied to pharmacy school at the end of my freshman year. I didn't make it into pharmacy school that year. I was rejected. A word that stung because of the rejection from middle and high school. I reverted back to bulemic tendencies my sophomore year because I had lost control of my life again and what I wanted. My plan was being shot. I was lost. I didn't understand why God was not letting me succeed in life with my career or friends. I was then invited to church with a friend of mine in March of my sophomore year. The preacher preached a sermon that would change my life. I broke down and told God I was serious this time. I had tried to be in control of my life and plan it instead of letting Him plan it for me. At that point, things changed. I had applied for pharmacy school again, I got an interview at the beginning of my junior year. A step past what I had gotten the year before. I was denied entry, again. But this time, I prayed. I prayed for God to lead me to where I needed to be.
That summer I moved to Charleston for some classes I needed to take to graduate college. That summer God led me not to one, but three physician assistants. I had never heard of this career before. So, I prayed and researched and felt this is where God was leading me. This was exactly what I had wanted to do, but had no idea it was there! I applied to PA school my senior year of college and interviewed with South Alabama. I didn't want to move from Birmingham, but I knew that God had His plan for me.
PA school was a pure struggle because of the content and the quickness of learning what we learned. I can truly say I only made it because of God holding me through. I had a relationship at that time and I wanted so badly to be married. All my friends were married, mostly were starting families, and I was without it all. I got jealous and I pursued my plan again. I completed PA school and accepted a job in Mobile. I then realized I was pursuing my own desires, again, and not looking to God. There were many horrible days and nights throughout those months. So, we ended the relationship and around that same time I had the opportunity to end my job in Mobile. I decided to take a trip around the United States. I wanted to experience God's creation. And I can honestly say it was the best decision at that time. My God and I grew together. He spoke to me and it was BEYOND evident He is ALIVE and REAL and the CREATOR! On that trip, I accepted that I may be single for life and that I just need to follow Him.
So, I did. Not to Charleston, where I wanted to move, but to Columbia, SC. Where he led me to the perfect man on this earth for me. It was out of the clear blue I was introduced to Alan. And we were friends for a long time and God had to do some convincing that I was meant to date and not be single. So, we dated and a short time later were married. And God couldn't have blessed me more than with him. But then, we were led to the challenge of children. See, God knows I still like to make my plan. He knows my struggles are planning and patience. And He still knows I from time to time, decide to make a plan for life.
Well, as you know from this blog, the journey He is taking us on. And, as I have been looking back, I needed the first time to fail with our in vitro. I needed to rely on my God and know that my plan isn't always His plan. I needed to realize that I need to give it to Him and not try to make it work on my own accord. I needed to get over the jealousy and bitterness I had built up inside me. He continues to grow me. He continues to test me. And that is how I know I am doing the right thing. He has never put me through a situation that I cannot get through with Him. He has carried me through so many difficult situations in life and only made my life a million times sweeter because it has been His way and not my own! He makes me appreciate the gifts I have been blessed with and they are that much sweeter because they are from Him.
I can say that I am thankful that He didn't just say, "Hey Lauren, I see your plan. Let me just give it to you like you want." Because I would not be the person I am today or nearly as happy. See, here's the thing. God uses our struggles in this world, this sinful world, for His glory in the end. Life is so much easier just saying "Here God. Here is my plan, I want your's instead." We may go through trials and tribulations, but in the end, having a relationship with God is what it is all about. He makes life sweet and death so much sweeter. His grace and forgiveness is overwhelming. And that is what it is all about.
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