Eleven months is coming upon us, and quickly. It is hard to believe that last year, at this time, I was on strict bed rest. And I am almost wishing I was back at that spot, just to get a good night's rest again! Haha. Also , it is a period of transition. I am reflecting over the past few weeks on my identity.
Some people have an instant "mom" identity when they have babies born. I was a bit different. I think that some of that had to do with the babies being in the NICU and some with my post-partum depression I dealt with. I feel like my attachment with my boys didn't come instantaneously and really has taken a long time to happen. I always thought that when I had babies I would be so selfish in holding them and not letting anyone get that extra second, but yet I have been the first to let them be held. It wasn't until I went back to work this second time that I became super attached to these kiddos. I'm not sure if it was the fact that the boys have gotten super clingy to me, or what. But my identity hasn't been that of a pure "mom" since they have been born. I finally have that identity. I finally have that role deep into me, and though people told me it would get easier going to work, it has become immeasurably hard to leave them each morning. My "mom" title has hit and hit hard and the "physician assistant" title has taken a far third or fourth running. Even today, when I heard from our nanny that Ayden had been crying inconsolably for some time, I broke as a Mom. It used to not be so heart-breaking to me, which I hate to say, but it's changed and now my heart breaks every time I hear something sad going on.
So, as I pick up writing this, again, it is the turn of being 11 months old. I got my "Facebook history" notification that one year ago today, I was admitted to the hospital for preterm labor. It is crazy to think about this time a year ago. So much fear and anxiety surrounding these babies and their health. It is amazing what has come over the past year. These kids are something else.
Zachary is getting stronger by the day. He actually pulled himself up from a sitting position to standing this past weekend….I cried. He, also, has stopped pitching a full out temper tantrum when he goes to his stomach (and even puts himself in that position!). He moved a little bit "crawling" the other day with Alan….again, I cried. It is amazing how strong he is becoming as we work with him, daily. He loves to stand up and be like his brother. He is so proud of himself. He even knows how to turn around as he is sitting and scoot on his bottom. He is still the talker of the two. Babbles all day and night and still loves to make everyone laugh. He has been teething like crazy the past two weeks, chewing on EVERYTHING, but we have yet to see a tooth. Poor little buddy. He loves eating "table" food, even without teeth he does a pretty good job of getting it down. He is funny because he loves to pick out clothes. He gets so excited when I take him to his closet and he grabs the outfit he wants with the day and just grins.
Ayden is on the move and fast. He went from limited crawling last month to full force. He is into EVERYTHING. He loves to stand up on everything and pull up on everything. He has learned he can crawl out of the living room and that the kitchen and formal dining room have lots of goodies. He knows what he can and can't get into. He has, also, learned the meaning of the word "No" this past week and is a really good pouter when he is told it! I even experienced his first meltdown over it! He has been teething, as well, and this morning had his third tooth break through. He is still picky in eating, loves his fruit and veggies, but is very picky on consistency. He loves to growl at people and it is his form of communication. He has no bubble (like his Momma) and crawls all over his brother (much to Zach's chagrin) and everyone else. He, also, had his first busted lip this month…..mean bath tubs when you are trying to dance and get dried off.
They both have contagious grins and love to smile at everyone. They are both social babies and love being around people. They are loving the water and outside. I am hoping this continue to transfers to the love of the beach! They both are developing so quickly and it is just amazing to sit and watch them sleep and be able to hold them, when they let you. Time passes by way too quickly and I am trying to truly soak in every moment. I know when I blink, it will be their first birthday. Having these twins is truly a blessing. They have been the best gift that I have received. We just look forward to what God has in store for us here forward.
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