Unjustly Judged

     The bringing of a baby into this world is pretty simple in the ideas of many people. You want to get pregnant, you try, get pregnant the first try. Your pregnancy is AMAZING, you love it and eat healthy or whatever your cravings desire at that moment. In coming up with a birth plan, you are going natural (who needs drugs anyway) and the delivery goes so smoothly. You instantly bond with your baby and she/he latches immediately to breast feed (because you know, that is the best and only option). You are so blessed because you stay in the hospital for 23 hours (as insurance allows) and you return home with your baby to be a stay at home mom and live a wonderful life. Oh, and your baby weight just drops off. Then, there is the other way of life.
     In my experience, thus far, it has been almost ridiculous the looks and judging eyes I have received over certain things. Let me expand:

1. Natural vs Assisted - We couldn't get pregnant naturally. We tried for a year. When we went in to see what was going on, IVF was presented to us as our only option of having a biological child. A lot of people were supportive, and I am so grateful for that, but then there are those that weren't. AND, when telling people I was pregnant with twins, or even now when people ask if I have twins that run in my family (which please, does that really matter???) and I say, we had IVF, I still get disappointing looks. (I know that was the longest run on sentence, sorry English people!) I don't need you to feel sorry for me. I don't need you to judge me. This is how we have been able to be blessed to have our family. So, why judge how I get pregnant. That is not fair to me or any other woman struggling in the same way. There is enough emotion in seeing a "NOT PREGNANT" on that stick month by month that sends a depression through us, why add to that in making us feel guilty of our natural desire to have a biological child?

2. Natural vs Epidural vs C-section? What does it matter??? Why do women judge each other on how we decide to bring our babies into the world? I have friends who have birthed completely naturally and all I can say is, "More power to you." I went through 11 hours of labor with the twins without medication (not because I wanted to) and it was miserable. So, if that is your cup of tea, then you are superwoman. BUT, you are ALSO superwoman getting an epidural and birthing. Or heaven forbid something could be dangerously wrong or the baby be too big or breach or some other situation where a c-section is needed. Let me tell you, WE ARE SUPERWOMEN too! That was a major question when I was pregnant, "Are you going to try to go natural or have a c-section?" I almost felt like it was a "cop out" in me replying a c-section was most likely because of Ayden  being breach. Why must I feel like I was less of a woman for my decision? It actually saved his life that I decided a c-section prior to the birth because of the complications we had in getting him out anyway!

3. Breast feeding vs. Formula - We all know what the doctor preaches. I'm in medicine, I know what is best. But women ask, "Are you going to breastfeed?" And heaven forbid you say you are using formula. It's like you are on a short walk to hell! It isn't easy to breastfeed, number 1. And some babies just don't want to latch or are even allergic. I was blessed enough to be able to give the boys some breastmilk for the first 11 weeks of their lives, but it was never enough to completely feed them. I remember walking into the NICU with my little supply while other moms brought in coolers full. I felt like not good enough of a mom or a failure, and why must I feel that way? I mean, yes, some was my own thought process and doing, but still. There is a judgmental overtone to moms who formula feed. I am sorry for ever doing that before I went through the process. If your baby is getting its nutrition, then that is all that is important. When it wasn't working for me, I had every person giving me "advice" on what I needed to do. I was on every supplement, tried every old wives' tale, etc and still, couldn't produce enough. Please don't judge other women because of their decisions on this, we all have our reasonings.

4. Staying at Home vs Going Back to work - Can I just say that if one more person gives me the judgmental, sappy eyes on this when I say I have to return to work, I might lose it (and this is probably my hormones driving that.). I cry about it almost every time I think about it, but I have to. Do you think most women would return to work (and especially as quick as we have to due to federal rules) if we didn't have to? It is such a blessing to stay at home and be able to be a full-time mom. I have loved the past almost 5 months of it and am blessed I can stay home for the first 6 months of their lives. BUT, we are not all able to do that. Why must women judge women on this matter? I am allowed to do both, we are allowed to follow both dreams. I dreamed when I was younger of being a stay at home mom and life circumstances don't allow that. It's not my dream, but it is reality. I'm sorry that my reality is not what you think is acceptable.

5. Baby weight - oh the joys of baby weight. I have friends who give birth and look like they did pre-pregnancy within a few days (I secretly envy them). I am not one of those people (nor have I ever been one to easily lose weight). Now, when the twins were born I lost 35 pounds before even leaving the hospital, but things shift. I think that it should be illegal for famous people to show their bodies 6 weeks later looking "tiny wasted" and perfect. It is such a discouragement for us all. I thought I would be in a lot better shape then I am in, but my focus hasn't been on losing weight, it has been my children, like it should be. I mean, I barely have time to shower every day much less get in a workout and eating is usually an afterthought! So, women, don't get discouraged when at 6 weeks postpartum you haven't bounced back to that bikini body. (And men, too, encourage your wives on how good they look) We don't have nannies, night nurses, trainers, nutritionists, and cooks to keep us looking fresh and allow us the time to spend 4 hours a day 7 days a week working out to get trim and look well-rested. AND, if you haven't had a baby, please don't try to give us dieting advice. I know how to lose weight. I know what works for me and it is just not my top priority right now. Once you have kids, you'll understand it isn't as easy as it is pre-kid. (Not trying to be mean, I promise.)

     I'm not trying to be an angry person, and honestly I'm not angry, but why must women judge other women on these things. We are all mothers and more than anything need encouragement. I can't think of what I need more than that. It is what has gotten me through my hardest moments. Not the judgmental glares or statements, but encouragement that the way things happen are okay. I am still a mother no matter how I got here or what I have to do to live. God has blessed me and many of us to be mothers. So, next time you are around a pregnant woman/new mom just love on her. Who cares if she had IVF with a c-section, feeding her baby formula and is returning to work. She still goes through the same emotions each and every other woman goes through. Let's pray for each other and encourage each other. Take the focus off of the "perfect' mentality of how things "should be" and accept each other for the way they are.