A Time Of Change

     So, it has almost been two years since I blogged, which I feel I have been a slacker. A lot has changed since then. I went to Australia (which is where we were when I last blogged) and had a blast, started dating my wonderful husband, got a job in neurosurgery, and got engaged. Then 3 short weeks later we eloped to Charleston to get married before I moved up to Nashville where we are now settling. It has been a ride and I have been taking it all in and what feels like running through life! It is amazing how quick the time passes and that we have already been married a year! It is the most wonderful blessing God has given me thusfar. Also, was blessed with the cutest nephew! He is my heart.
     So that catches up to now, and I am going to start blogging again, through this new journey in my life. One which I pray over and hope that helps others in my situation, as well as is some therapy for myself.
      So here begins, I was born wanting to be a mom. When my sister was born, my poor father had to stay up all night to make my "baby" a bassinet because I was a "mommy" too. I have always had the desire to be a mom and as others would tell you, I have had the maternal instinct. Growing up, I had my life planned. By the age of 26, I had it planned (written in my 12 year old journal) I would have at least 4 children and working on number 5 and 6. Their sex was planned, their names were planned, my husband was even planned. God had different plans. At the age of 26, I had friends with children who I adoringly called "my kids" and I value them and my relationships with them dearly. But something was missing, it wasn't the same as having a child to call "my own." My sister, who was never really into babies, had a baby last year. And to see her transformation as a mom and to see that precious baby even made me long for a baby moreso.
   So, Alan and I were married. He has two children of his own and I became a "Step-Mom." It was a really hard transition. They were 18 and 19 at the time and already adults. But adjusting to being a step-mom of adults is different than that of young kids. Alan and I knew from the beginning of our relationship we wanted kids of our own. So, we decided 5 months after we were married to start trying. Both of us having an inkling suspicion of our own, it wasn't going to be easy. After 5 months of trying, I went to my OB/GYN who agreed we needed to be seen by the fertility clinic. Wow, those frightful words that I had so desperately not wanted to hear. So, we set up our meeting for a consultation and on we went. Our doctor is amazing (and it probably helps that I have medical knowledge as well) and she explained so many things. We have been poked and prodded and diagnosed with things that I never wanted to hear. But, there was a peace throughout this meeting and these tests. We were told, unless a miracle happens, we won't be able to conceive a child naturally. We were counseled on IVF and given our options and our plan of action. I will admit, I cried but God filled me with peace in those moments. So we prayed and are still praying. First, that a miracle takes place, but second that God will keep a peace around this situation if it is meant to be.
    So, this is my new journey in life. I am going to blog as I may on our journey down the IVF/fertility trail. We haven't begun yet and have some more pre-requisite testing to perform (oh how I feel like I am in college and applying for grad school again with these pre-reqs) but the road has begun. I know it will be rough at times and Alan and I both aren't excited about what lies ahead with hormones! But in the end, God has a plan and we are only wanting to follow Him.
    We thank you for your prayers, in advance, and in allowing me to share my journey with you.